The Astounding Travel Adventures of a Miraculous Fellow


The Bottom Half of the Highest Waterfall on Earth
July 24, 2008, 12:20 pm
Filed under: Venezuela

With all of the issues that Venezuelan cities present for us (eyeball thieves, bag snatchers, non-attractive women, etc.) we finally decided to make our way out of civilization into the jungle.

This is where Venezuela shines.

The wilderness in Southeastern Venezuela is nearly untouched, and really amazing. So, we hopped on a bus, then took a one hour flight and headed out to Canaima, a little village at the base of the tepuis. A tepui is a giant, cliff-faced mountain that is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Think of hundreds of 3000 to 4000 foot high mountains with Grand Canyon-type red cliffs on all side. These are situated smack dab in the middle of the rainforest, which help produce amazing waterfalls. One of these is the highest waterfall on Earth — Angel Falls. This was our destination.

After arriving to Canaima, we took a hike to a monstrous waterfall, Salto Sapo, with our insane guide Christian. This guy is a lunatic. Just before we left, he polished off what appeared to be a bottle of good ol’ Coca Cola. Only it wasn’t just Coca Cola. Upon finishing, he jumped up, and screamed “alright, let’s goooooo!” and a breath full of rum smashed me in the face. This dude was loaded…which made for a really, really interesting hike.

As our group of two Irish friends we met, Niall and Jack, ourselves, and about 12 elderly Polish people (who sucked, by the way) ventured out, Christian became more and more animated, telling us about everything his drunken eyes spotted, from trees, plants, and ants. The ant was the best. This drunken maniac decided to give us an up close and personal demonstration these giant ants. But, right after he picked it up, it chomped him on the finger, and he dropped it while letting out a high-pitched shriek. It was hilarious.

After about an hour of hiking, during which Christian went from excitable, crazy drunk to sleepy drunk, we arrived at Salto Sapo. The best part of this waterfall is that you can walk underneath it, in the middle of a downpour of mist. Before entering, Christian warned us about how dangerous it was at least seven times, then yelled “Alright, Christian group, leeeetssss goooooooo!!!!” And we charged in. Crazy Drunk Christian was back. I’m a huge fan of this guy. Much more so than Sleepy Drunk Christian. As we entered the falls, it was amazing. Thunderous water was pouring down overhead, and the further in we got, the more soaked we became. Finally, we got in the middle, right in the waterfall where you could barely see anything from the amount of mist pouring down, and Chrsitian came running up to a 60 something Polish woman, who was already freaking out, and screamed “Yooooooou!!! I loooooove yooooouu!!” I almost shit my pants I was laughing so hard.

Finally we exited the falls on the other side, climbed up to the top, where we were greeted by a cheer of “Aaaaaah, Christian group!!!!! Woooooo!!!!” He then proceeded to take us into the waterfall, under a small five foot ledge about 20 feet from the 50 foot dropoff. This madman then got under the little waterfall created by this ledge, where his pants proceeded to fall off from the water pressure.

We then went back through the main waterfall, which apparently wasn’t enough for ol’ Christian, because he took us back (less the Polish) to sit down and relax for five minutes under the strongest and wettest part of the falls, all the while screaming and yelling “Christian groooooup!! Woooooo!”

I love that crazy drunken bastard.

After this, we returned to our camp, where Christian made us orange juice and rum to celebrate. This ended in a 5 bottle frenzy of rum, that culminated in the Irishmen going from a Wrestlemania to a Irish song fest and back, for well over three hours. Imagine Christian screaming and Irish dancing, which was then interrupted by one Irishman body slamming the other mid-Irish jig, then instantaneously jumping into a verse of “I’ve Been a Wild Rover” or some other incomprehendible song. It was side-splittingly hilarious.

So, after our first night sleeping in hammocks in an open-air hut, we got up early, hopped into motorized canoes and headed up the jungle-surrounded Rio Carrao. After a 4 hour boatride upstream, and a two hour hike through the pouring rain and jungle, we could see through the trees nearly directly overhead the faint outline of a massive Tepui with a huge 3000 foot waterfall descending all the way to the jungle. Three minutes later, as we emerged through the forest canopy to a small cliff at the base of the Tepui, we were greeted by a sight that we will never forget:

The bottom half of the highest waterfall on Earth.

The top was fogged in.

Fuck.

Even though it was fogged in, it was an amazing sight. Angel Falls in located in the middle of a huge canyon in the middle of dense rainforest. Since we could almost see the top of the waterfall from the forest three mintues earlier, we decided to wait for the fog to lift. After waiting in the pouring rain for nearly an hour, this never happened. So, we had to leave.

Fuck.

After the long, disappointment-fueled hike back to camp, we went to the river to drown ourselves, and were finally greeted with an incredible sight. From the river the forest cleared and you could see the entire waterfall from top to bottom. It was an incredibly impressive sight, one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life.

That night we all crashed in hammocks in the middle of the jungle at about 8pm, from our exhuasting journey.

But, all in all, this was an great experience. The tepuis, the jungle trip, the extreme remoteness, and the scores of huge waterfalls make this one of the coolest places I’ve visited.

And, the entertainment factor of Christian and the Irish made it all the more worthwhile.

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2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Drunk Christan Waterfall Guide = Venezuela’s version of the Crocodile Hunter? Please discuss…

Comment by Dorty

you never mentioned that i kicked jack`s ass in the wrestlemaina . And cheese willy broke the water pipe trying to score with the 17th year old Girl She was smoking doi !!!!!!!! Great nite to be had by all.

Comment by crazy Irish no1




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